I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
