i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
where are you?
Hypothermia
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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