I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
