she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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