i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
