we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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