I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
