I heard we made out
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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