I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
