No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
