Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
