So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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