can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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