Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
