I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
