I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize