after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
