Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
