I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
