i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
