her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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