my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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