Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
