Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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