I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
