I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
