i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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