last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
