pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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