Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
