I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
