you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
