idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
