**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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