He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
