I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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