After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
