...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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