I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
