Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
