are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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