literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
