One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
