I'm jealous of your bromance
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she told me i tasted like america
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
