kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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