Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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