I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
