We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
