she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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