She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
