3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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