Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
