I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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