she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
