My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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