redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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