i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
