After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
